


All These Years

by beatosuffers



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 08:30:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13360566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beatosuffers/pseuds/beatosuffers
Summary: after all these years, Dia still feels everything.





	All These Years

**Author's Note:**

> Song that inspired this was:
> 
> All These Years- Camila Cabello
> 
> and plus some irl happenings just because..
> 
> edit: i forgot to put this tas as an AU lol, knew i was hovering too long at the tags earliers bc im forgetting something, forgive me it was like 12 am when i posted this

It’s been ten years since she graduated high school- ten years since she’s been back home. Uchiura still looks and feels the same, with its old looking houses and buildings, cold breeze and salty air from the sea but most of all, the warm smiles of the people and Dia wouldn’t have wanted any other from her return.

There’s just something comforting seeing some things don’t change in a world that is constantly changing.

But Dia convinces herself that she loves change. She embraced it when she graduated high school and immediately moved to Tokyo- to which was one of the biggest change of her life- from living in a peaceful and slow paced town like Uchiura to the never-ending busybodies and bustling Tokyo, she doesn’t know how she was able to cope but she did it and with the hard-work she put in, in those four years of business school, opportunities opened and she landed a job abroad- the “most” biggest change of her life.

Living in a foreign country wasn’t something she planned and for someone like her who always plans ahead, it was such a huge change that she was about to decline until a certain red-head convinced her that life doesn’t wait and opportunities aren’t always there and so she said yes.

She’s been living in the U.S. for five years until she received a letter from an old friend saying there’s a reunion happening at Uchiura for their high school batch and before Dia knew it, she packed her things and booked her flight to Japan.

And while on the plane, she thought about why it’s been so long since went back home.

She knew the answer for years.

But she tried to tell herself, that it’s not because she was running away from her feelings- and most importantly, running away from someone.

And looking back now, she doesn’t know why she didn’t stop and think about it.

But she does know.

She just doesn’t want to say it out loud.

 

As she walks at the familiar streets of where she used to walk by every day for three years- still even remembering how many steps it’ll take for her- and with every step she makes, her heart pounds faster and there’s a pit on her stomach and she could feel her hands beginning to sweat.

She wants to turn back around and go home, the thought of seeing her after ten years is suddenly dawning on her and she can’t.

She just can’t.

Not right now.

After spending years of trying to forget her.

And finally being able to move on.

She doesn’t know how she’d be once she sees those eyes and-

“Dia?”

And with that familiar voice that used- or rather still- makes her swoon and reminds her of a warm summer, the brunette halts and her breath hitches. She feels a tingle on her spine and her heart begins to pound even faster- and louder that she’s afraid the person behind her is going to hear it.

It must’ve been a while for the girl that caused her to embrace change, the cause of her heartbreak ten years ago, starts apologizing,

“I’m sorry” and Dia doesn’t need to turn around to know the person is scratching the back of her neck as she speaks, “I must’ve mistaken you for someone el-“

When Dia finally turns around her emerald eyes meets amethyst ones, her heart and stomach does a flip.

Dia loves change but there’s something comforting with things that don’t change.

But the familiar feelings she’s being hit so hard right now isn’t comforting.

It hurts.

Dia takes in all of what’s in front of her.

Indigo-hair is longer than the last time she saw it- longer than usual as to how long the girl lets her hair grow, and Dia wants to run her fingers through it- to feel if it’s as soft as it looks for she never got the chance to.

But her eyes, it’s her eyes that gets to Dia.

Her eyes is just as Dia remembers.

It still has the spark and the warmth that Dia first saw when her eyes first laid on them.

But most of all, it still looks at her as if she wants to say something.

And it hurts.

“Hello Dia” Kanan speaks again.

And for the few minutes they’ve been at each other’s presence, only Kanan has spoken any words.

Dia being so eloquent was what got her to the top of her classes but whenever Kanan speaks to her, she gets so tongue tied.

“H-h-hey Matsuura-san”, she didn’t mean to stutter but she did and she wants to smack her face but she just clutches her chest and forces a smile.

Kanan smiles back albeit hers is more warm and friendly and Dia feels herself swoon again like she did when was in her first year and saw Kanan smile at her as she cheered for her when she won the swimming competition.

She feels herself falling again.

Although a part of her knows she never fell out.

There’s just something about Kanan and that smile that makes everyone around her feel so at ease and Dia knows that the reason why everyone was- or is- drawn to her- that’s why Dia remained in the background during those three years- who was she to have someone as Kanan pay her any attention amongst the sea of people who is more worthy than her?

“I just saw you walking around and I thought to say a quick hello” Kanan says and that snaps Dia out of her thoughts.

“Oh uh” she clears her throat, “hello to you too Matsuura-san.”

_How awkward can I get?_

Kanan chuckles, and Dia feels butterflies flutter in her stomach at the sound that she wants to smack her face for still feeling as if she’s some teenager with a crush.

“But I’ve got to go, I gotta get dressed and all for the occasion before I head on to Uranohoshi again”

Dia’s eyes then scans Kanan’s attire, the girl is wearing shorts and a hoodie that doesn’t have any sleeves, the same kind of attire she used to see back then when she sees Kanan pass by her home every weekend during the girl’s morning jog.

She feels her face heat up at the sight of Kanan’s biceps because all those years of working out plus being part of the swim team did help with Kanan’s figure but most of all those toned and tanned legs that seems to just go on, and Dia thinks for a second about those abs.

It’s been years, they’re probably as amazing as her biceps.

“Again?” Dia asks once she’s brought back down to consciousness.

“Yeah, I helped out with the decorations and stuff. I forgot to bring my change of clothes so I gotta run now before I get scolded again..”

Kanan mumbles something Dia wasn’t able to hear well at the end but she knows she hears a familiar name and Dia feels a pang on her heart.

So she just nods and Kanan says a quick “see you later” before she runs off towards the familiar direction of their shop.

And all Dia wants to do was to go back home.

Home.

A foreign country seems more like her home now than this town and yet her feet drags her to the last place she wants to be in.

-

 

The reunion is being held at Uranohoshi’s gym and for once it didn’t smell like sweat and or feet- a change she likes a lot.

The gym is decorated with dark colors and a few whites, the streamers are dark blue and red, there’s a lot of balloons scattered on the floor, the round tables’ fabric are white with dark blue fabric on the chair and Dia would’ve passed this off as some nice mature banquet if it weren’t for the old idol songs she used to hear back then.

“OH MY GOSH DIA!”

Dia turns around to the sound of the voice and sees a flash of golden hair before she closes her eyes as the person who has said golden hair tackles her for a hug and invades her senses.

She’s hit with the smell of lemons and she smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes as she wraps her arms around her old friend.

And Dia is hurting again.

Mari pulls away but rests her hands on Dia’s shoulder as she scans Dia’s form.

“You haven’t changed one bit except maybe for...” Mari’s amber eyes then looks pointedly at Dia’s chest probably trying to measure the brunette’s chest without groping them.

Dia covers her chest with her arms as she turns away, “My gosh Mari-san, it’s been years and you’re still the same pervert as ever.”

Mari laughs and Dia smiles.

She missed this.

After high school, her contact with Mari became less and less until there’s none.

She knows she’s at fault for that. For the blonde would always try to contact her in any way but she ended up ignoring them and then changing her number and emails.

It was rude and mean for her but what else can she do?

She wants change, for her feelings to change. To let go of the past and the things and the people that could have been.

And she can’t tell Mari why.

Why she stopped talking to her, why it took her so long for her to come back, why she still feels so hurt when she looks at Mari.

She knows it wasn’t the blonde’s fault, she never knew.

And if Dia told her all those years ago the blonde would’ve never gone after Kanan.

But that would mean getting in the way of her friend’s happiness and even Kanan’s.

Maybe she should’ve been selfish.

Maybe.

Someone taps on the microphone on stage and the speakers’ blares an annoying and ear-piercing sound that Mari and Dia jumps from the sound.

It snaps Dia out of her dwelling and Mari says “I’ll be right back” and she storms off to the stage.

Dia looks at her surroundings and sees familiar faces. Everyone has changed so much and she wonders if what Mari said was right.

Did she not change at all?

She doesn’t know if that’s something she should feel comforting or happy about.

After all, the one thing she thought that changed after all these years came back all at once just because of one quick hello.

Dia then feels a presence besides her and she doesn’t have to look to see who it is, for the diver always have this kind of presence that makes Dia knows she’s there, and once again, Dia’s feels something pierce her heart.

But her eyes still drifts to the person besides her and everything’s coming back all at once again and she feels sick.

After all these years, she still feels everything.

“Does the place look good?”

Dia swallows and says, “It’s nice, did you and Mari do these all by yourselves?”

Kanan shakes her head, “Nah, the prom committee back then helped.”

“Ah.”

It’s silent for a while and Dia sees Mari talking to their classmates back then and she notices how Mari has grown so much, so beautiful and looking so mature that Dia feels sad she missed her friend grow up.

“How long have you two been together again?” Dia asks and she regrets having those words out of her mouth and she wishes she can take them back for she knows the answer already and it would hurt so so much.

“11 years with that crazy girl.” Kanan laughs and Dia just chuckles.

“I hope you two are happy.” Dia says and she does- she does wish they are happy, it’s what they deserve even if it cost Dia her own happiness.

“I am and I’m glad to have someone like her in my life for so long and I hope she is too…“ Kanan then looks at her directly that Dia turns around to meet her eyes.

“Dia there’s something I want to ask you.”

Dia clenches her fist, and takes a deep breath through her nose.

“I’m planning on asking Mary to be my wife and as her best friend I want your approval.”

Her first answer should’ve been a yes but instead, “I’m not her best friend.”

Kanan’s eyebrows shoots up, amethyst eyes looking so confuse and Dia immediately tries to recover.

“I-I-I mean after years of not talking to her I feel like I don’t deserve to be called her best friend.”

Kanan smiles and it’s not the one Dia loves for this one looks sad but she still looks so beautiful that Dia stops breathing for a second.

“She was sad about it and she missed you but you still mean so much to her,” Kanan looks at her sadly, “she was so happy when you said you’d come back just for this,  I was happy too when she told me about it.”

Dia wants to cry, to run away, to be away from all of this- from them.

But she steels herself and forces a small smile.

“I missed her too so much” _and you,_ “And I’m happy to be back here too, and as for my approval-”

Dia swallows the lump on her throat and says, “I say go for it.”

It’s funny.

Funny how it’s the same exact words she told Mari during the start of their third year when the blonde asked if she should ask Kanan out.

Dia can feel her eyes and face begin to feel hot so she turns away from Kanan and takes a deep breath.

“You love her and she loves you so what’s the wait? It’s been a decade and I’m surprised you two don’t have any babies running around here yet.”

Kanan just laughs at her and before it used to make her swoon and fall head over heels for her, for the sound is so melodic that Dia would do anything just to hear it always but now, it just sends pain through her chest.

She then feels a hand on her shoulder, it’s warm, and Dia wants to get lost to the touch but she knows she’d never have the chance to.

Dia looks at Kanan but the indigo-haired girl is just looking forward and Dia faces the direction where she’s looking and she sees Mari walking towards them.

Kanan squeezes her shoulder and says a soft thank you before she walks forward to Mari too.

The two meets half way and goes for a quick kiss and Dia knew heartbreak.

She felt it during her last year in high school, when her best friend asked if she can take out the only person who holds Dia’s heart, when Mari and Kanan announced that they’re together to her, when Mari talked about her and Kanan’s first kiss and so on.

She knew heartbreak.

And she’s remembering, and feeling it all again.

It hits her all at once.

And she just wants it to stop.

Dia bites her lips and she’s about to run when Mari greets her again and Kanan smiles at her.

-

The reunion party is going on full swing and Dia doesn’t even remember if her batch really had that so many people but the gym is packed and she’s pretty sure some people really weren’t here classmates before but just came for free food and for a night of fun.

And she’s the only one sitting out on the dancing or rather a flailing of bodies at the center of the gym, which is okay, she doesn’t want to get caught up in that.

But then the music starts slowing down and some sat down while others try to find a partner and then she notices them.

Kanan’s hands are settled around Mari’s waist while Mari’s head is resting on her partner’s shoulder. It looks like Kanan is whispering something and Mari’s just smiling.

Dia tries to look away.

She tries.

And she fails.

They look such a good couple, so happy and so in love with the way Mari’s head throws back in laughter as Kanan looks at Mari as if she’s the most precious gemstone there is.

All those years, she could never really bring herself to hate them, most especially the girl who has the one person she loves.

She could never hate Mari, she could never hate Mari for what she has and what she doesn’t.

She’s envious of her.

She’s in pain because of her.

But no matter how much she suffers, she’d still want her friend to be happy and if Kanan makes her happy then so be it.

Dia notices someone approaching Kanan with a microphone and she knows then that what Kanan has been planning will be put into action tonight.

And for once Dia’s going to be selfish.

She wants to be there for Mari again but for tonight, she doesn’t want to.

She doesn’t want to be there for when it happens.

She doesn’t want to see or partake in it.

And as everyone surrounds and eyes the couple on the center.

Dia quietly and quickly left the building.

And once she’s outside, she runs. The moon is high on the sky and the stars are shining so bright.

The sky doesn’t seem like it’s crying for her the way it’d cry for when the protagonist gets hurt in the movies and she laughs at the idiocy of it all.

Of course the world would not feel sorry for her, she brought this all on herself after all.

If only she had been braved.

If only she acted out on her feelings.

Maybe things would be different.

But this is her reality and so she runs and runs as tears stream down her face.

She feels her legs aching already but she keeps running with no destination in mind. All she knows is she wants to alone and far away from the pain.

Later, when she gets home, she’s going to quick a type congratulations and a sorry to Mari and tomorrow she’s going to tell her that she’ll permanently move to the states.

Dia’s not running away.

No, not at all.

Dia’s going to have a fresh start.

She’s going to be a new person.

She won’t let time mask her pain anymore, she’d let it heal this time.

Change is inevitable.

And Dia can’t wait for things to change for her.

For all of her feelings to disappear and for her to be okay again.

And maybe when she sees those eyes again after all these years, she wouldn’t be in pain anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I WROTE LIKE TWO FICS FOR DIA'S BIRTHDAY AND I NEVER GOT AROUND TO POSTING THEM BECAUSE I WASN'T ABLE TO FINISH THEM LIKE DUN DUN DUN WRITER'S BLOCK STRUCK ME!
> 
> I'm so sorry Dia so I guess this is some sort of very very late birthday fic??? BUT IT'S ANGST so not a good birthday present at all.
> 
> I love you Dia and I'm so sorry for putting this all on you.
> 
> Also I'm sorry for all the mistakes and thank you for reading!!


End file.
